God. U.S.A. Family.

dogapult:

how come when someone decides to eat only fruits and vegetables people commend them for their “willpower” and “diligence” but when i decide to eat a diet composed entirely of mozzarella sticks and vodka suddenly i’m “out of control” and “putting myself in danger”

(via interjects)

zeldac0re:

I hope I’m one of those kids that just magically becomes hot after they leave high school

(via interjects)

rnicrophone:

bombing:

cop: who the hell ordered all these pizzas

me: you said i got one phone call

image

(via fl-orida)

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